Poop Sex Blog

The alarm didn’t go off. By the time I awoke, it was nearly nine o’clock. If I pushed it, I could still get to my office by 9:30. I just started this new job the week before, so I was still on “probation.” And my new boss, Kevin Blake, who looked more like he belonged in Calvin Klein underwear ads than behind a corporate desk, seemed to be paying an awful lot of attention to me. I didn’t want to be late.

I dressed in a flash and tore out of the house, hoping that my morning breath would dissipate before I got to work. My BMW convertible got me through the traffic and into the parking garage in record time. Then, fate opened a parking spot on the first level, right by the elevators. It was going to be a good day after all.

I entered the elevator and punched twenty-six, the floor where my new firm SkyHi Technology had its offices. Expecting an express ride up, I was surprised when the elevator stopped on the first floor. The doors opened, and in stepped Kevin Blake.

“Good morning, Mr. Blake,” I greeted.

“Good morning, Tom,” he replied.

The doors closed as he stepped back and leaned against the back wall beside me. We both gripped our briefcases at our side; neither of us spoke.

Suddenly, there was a thump, and the car lurched to a halt. The lighted floor numbers glowed between the 20th and the 21st floors. Mr Blake opened the communications box and put the emergency phone to his ear.

“Yes, I see. So how long…? Well, please try and hurry,” he spoke into the phone. Then he turned to me. “They don’t know how long this will take, they called a representative of the elevator company, but they don’t know how long it will take for him to arrive. I guess we need to make ourselves comfortable.”

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Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

thanks Bestscat.com for provided poop pics

I named my cats Dildo and Sex Toy. I don’t know why. One was a female cat with her parts “altered” so that we would have no kitties, the other a male cat with all his toys intact. I somehow felt it was cruel to castrate a cat for the fact of his being born male. I find it odd that anyone bothers to alter the males since they can’t have unwanted kitties. Anyhow, that was a digression. This is about how I took Tiffany against her will, I think.

Tiffany was my next-door neighbor. Call her the haughty chick. She had that air of better than thouness about her. She wore high fashion clothes. She wore dark shades. She held her nose at that aloof angle. She usually dressed in mostly black. She may have worked. It was hard to tell. She drove a snotty red convertible. She dripped trust fund from her pores. Her dog was the haughty dog. It was one of those ultra purebred schnauzers. It held its nose high in the air and pooped ever so delicately as not to stain its own fur. It would strut out Tiffany’s front door, look about, sniff the air, gloat at neighbor dogs, strut to a spot on my front stoop, then deposit its business. Of course Tiffany couldn’t care less that we lived in a town with a pooper-scooper rule. Your dog poops, you clean up. That was the rule. No exceptions. The haughty dog, as I took to calling it, pooped on my porch day after day. Did Tiffany once come over and clean up the poopie mess? No.

This is one of those stories that makes you wonder about big government and where our taxes go. Animal control told me they could do nothing unless they witnessed the haughty dog in the act. Animal control has one officer who rides around in his truck when the mood strikes him. Local police said they could only write a misdemeanor citation if they witnessed the act and they had no plans to stake out my neighborhood to watch a dog poop. I left Tiffany more than one note politely inviting her to clean up after her dog, and the notes went unanswered. Most times Tiffany watched the haughty dog poop on my stoop from the safety of her own front door. I got the impression after a while that Tiffany actually had trained the haughty dog to poop on my porch and in my yard to save Tiffany the trouble of having to clean up the mess in her own yard. What a bitch.

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